Disconnect
by SophieSaulie
Summary: A tag to Sex and Violence. Dean trying to deal with Sam's revelations under the Siren's spell.


**Disconnect**

Tag to _Sex and Violence_

The silence was deafening as they drove off. After Bobby drove away, Sam and Dean could barely look into each other's eyes. As always, Sam made the first overture, insisting that he hadn't meant what he said, that it had been the Siren song talking. Dean quickly agreed that it was the same for him just to drop the subject, but their last words still haunted.

"So…so we're good?"

"Yeh, we're good."

Who was Dean kidding? They were far from good. They weren't within a thousand miles of good and for the life of him Dean didn't know what to do or say. After hearing what Sam had said to him under the Siren's spell, he didn't think there was anything he **could** say. No matter what Sam would say to convince Dean that he was still watching his back, Dean couldn't believe it anymore and that made him feel beyond sad.

Still, it hadn't been the first time that Sam had taunted him.

"_I __**am**__ normal. I'm just telling the truth for the first time."_

"_That's the difference between you and me, I have a mind of my own. I'm not pathetic like you."_

Maybe Dean should have seen it back then. Sam had pulled the trigger. If the gun had been loaded, he would have shot him, maybe even killed him. Sam, like now, had told Dean that he hadn't meant what he had said, but Dean wasn't sure even then. Every click of the trigger made him wonder. He had remembered needing some time to work it out then. This time, it would take more than a good night's sleep to get over what Sam had said.

_"Okay, fine. You want to know why I didn't tell you about Ruby and how we're hunting down Lillith? Because you're too weak to go after her, Dean. You're holding me back. I'm a better hunter than you are, stronger, smarter. I can take out demons you're too scared to go near."_

Dean swallowed hard at the memory as he drove them back to the motel to get their stuff so they could move on. Sam noticed and looked over at him.

"Dean? You sure you're okay?"

Dean took in a breath, "Yeh, yeh, I'm good. Just a little sore. You sure didn't hold anything back," Dean weakly joked.

Sam smiled weakly back, "Yeh, right back at you."

Dean felt his throat tighten up. The rapport was barely there. It wasn't completely gone, but Dean could feel the chill growing and it hurt more than any blow Sam could give him.

They got back to the motel in silence. Packed in silence. Dean hated it, hated that though he still loved Sam, his heart ached that Sam no longer wanted him around. His worst fear realized. The family they had been, gone, replaced by just a performance, them just going through the motions. He'd work harder at trying to be better at reaching out to Sam, meeting Sam on his own terms as opposed to just browbeating Sam like he had when he had first found out that Sam had been using his powers. He had already shared more than he thought he ever would, more than he ever had in their whole lives, but now, it seemed that Sam didn't care anymore. Despite saying that he wants to help, Dean didn't think Sam did anymore. Maybe he had made a mistake in telling him. He had been moved by Anna's assurances and hoped that it would help. It had helped him a little to share with his brother, but now, he was back to questioning whether it had been a good idea. No matter how much Sam tried to tell him it was the Siren song talking, Dean knew Sam meant what he had said. Just like he had when he had said that Sam wasn't the Sam he knew anymore. Nothing was more proof to him than the last thing Sam had said to him.

"_You're too busy sitting around feeling sorry for yourself, whining about all the souls you tortured in Hell. Boo hoo."_

The Sam he used to know would never belittle a human life, let alone a soul. He was Dean's conscience when Dean found it too easy to choose to end a human life to save others. Still, even before going to Hell, Sam had believed that sacrificing Nancy to save thirty others was an acceptable choice. The change was already happening. Could Dean really blame Ruby completely? Sure, she had her influence back then and for sure after Dean had gone to Hell, but could he really say that it was all her fault? Dean wondered and the truth hurt. What if he had started it in the first place? He and their dad? Their dad's ordering around made Sam so rebellious in the first place. What if Dean's protectiveness was really just coddling and suffocating? Dean had so many doubts, still one thing remained clear.

He loved his brother. He could never hate him or blame him for what he's going through. Sam might blame Dean, but no matter what Sam said or did, Dean would never stop loving his brother. Deep down the Sam he knew felt the same way, but what if by using his powers, this new and, in Sam's eyes, improved Sam was pushing his Sam so far out, he wouldn't be able to get him back.

The thought scared him more than going back to Hell, more than Lucifer rising and creating a Hell on Earth. Saving Sam was no longer just about their dad's last wish, never had been, but Dean had to admit, it was what drove him so hard then. No, saving Sam was all about loving his brother, nothing more, nothing less. He had to find a way to come to terms with what Sam had said and find a way to bridge the disconnect that seemed to be getting wider.

He had no idea how he would do it though and he had never been so scared in all his life.

"_You hate me that much? You think you can kill your own brother?"_

**FIN.**

**Thanks for reading. Hope you enjoyed it**


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